My Boss is Bipolar

Occasional aggressive behavior is not always a bad trait in a leader, and in many situations can be helpful when expressed in an appropriate and constructive manner.  I, however, don’t consider that aggressive.  I consider that assertive communication.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about a bully.  A boss that has to verbally abuse and/or humiliate his or her employees to show their power and attempt to command respect.  There are a ton of ways to describe such a person.  Bully, aggressive, angry, abusive, passive-aggressive, bipolar, crazy, inconsiderate…  Those are just a few of the many ways to describe a boss who just doesn’t have the appropriate skills to manage people.  In my case, I choose to discribe my boss as bipolar.  Many people have to contend with a boss that falls into that category on a regular basis.  As many ways as there are to describe a boss, there are ways to “deal” with them, or at the very least, cope with them.  My boss is the hardest person to be around that I have ever met one minute; the next, he can actually be rather enjoyable to deal with.  It can be hard.  It can be frustrating.  And, it can be mentally draining. 

Here, I will list just a few things you can try to “deal” with your boss.

Own your behavior!

Start by asking yourself  “How can I change my behavior to solve the aggression?”.  This is not removing ownership of the aggression from your boss.  It is simply owning up to what you do have control over… Yourself.  Analyzing what you say, how you say it, and how your boss reacts to it can allow you to see the bigger picture.  It can allow you to figure out if there is something specific that sets your boss off.   Once you know what sets him off, you can more easily avoid situations that would normally lead to aggressive outbursts.

Don’t respond to the aggression!

Do not engage or respond to abusive or aggressive behavior.  Your boss notices your reaction to confrontation just like anyone else.  If he “gets his way” by bullying you, he will be more likely to do it in the future.  I know from first hand experience that it can be very difficult to not react to a boss who is yelling and screaming inches from your face.  However, in my situation, I have found that if I just look “through” my boss while he is yelling at me, and don’t let my frustration out, he usually calms down, and is able to approach the situation more appropriately.  When he does change his tune, I respond much more freely.  It may sound like trying to train a dog, but it works much the same way.

Utilize the chain of command!

This doesn’t work for everyone.  Many employers who hire an abusive boss and allow them to continue working there may have a history of promoting this behavior, or at least ignoring it.  If you can’t confidently take your problems to your boss’s superior (if he has one) and expect them to do something about it, then it probably isn’t the kind of company that you want to work for anyway.  If your boss does have a boss, and you have no reason to believe that your complaint will fall on deaf ears, let his boss know!  They can’t do anything about it if they don’t know.  Your boss probably doesn’t respond to his boss the same way he responds to you.  I don’t know too many people who would put up with one of their employees bullying them, and chances are, your boss’s boss wouldn’t put up with it either.  Make sure to explain to his boss that the aggressive or abusive behavior interferes with your work, that of your co-workers, and that it creates a work environment that feels “unsafe” (if it does).  If, in fact, you do feel unsafe due to your boss’s aggression, there are other avenues that you can go if running it up the chain of command produces no results.  Even your boss has to adhere to labor laws.

Use your HR department!

Companies that are large enough to have a human resources department have one for a reason.  In this economy, any department that isn’t absolutely needed tends to be eliminated in fairly short order.  Bring your concerns to your HR department.  Chances are, they have resources to help you deal with your bully boss.  They also have some sort of record if other people have complained about your boss in the past.  If you don’t talk to HR, there is no guarantee that they will ever get the information they need to take action.  This also brings me to my final point.

Document, document, document!

Without documentation, NOTHING HAPPENED!  When you are put in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation due to your boss’s behavior, you MUST document it, and you MUST document it as soon as possible so that you have all of the details fresh in your mind.  Verbal documentation is not enough.  Write it down!  Documentation is your only real recourse.  Human resources will need documentation if they are going to ever finally fire your boss for his behavior.  If you report it to your bosses boss, document that.  There is a chance that he will not do the necessary complaint paperwork for one reason or another, and if you don’t have documented what happened, when it happened, who was around, who you spoke to about it,  it is your word against your boss’s.  In situations like these, your boss will usually win out unless you properly document the incident AND notify the appropriate personnel (i.e. HR, his boss, authorities, etc).

I hope some of this helps someone deal with their “bipolar” boss.  And, remember, a female boss can be just as abusive as a male boss (I just said “he”, “his”, etc. to simplify).  It doesn’t matter if it is a man or a woman, young or old, it is NOT okay for a boss to bully his or her employees.  Most people know what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to how they treat others, but most people aren’t your boss.

Related articles:

• New Laws Target Workplace Bullying (time.com)
• Workplace Bullying: New York Bill Targets Abusive Bosses (news.yahoo.com)

Tags: abusive boss, Aggression, boss, bully, dealing with a bad boss, helpful, Violence and Abuse